CONFLICT & PEACE

Adult Session of Conference
11 Sept 2010
President Bradley Hansen

Introductory Story – Danna saying that she hope, knew that as a babysitter, he was “in charge of peace.” We all should be in charge of making peace wherever we are.

Source of Conflict/Contention
· Unmet desires or expectation: James 4: 1-3.
o Some desires are inherently wrong: lust, greed, revenge.
o Good desires: peace and quiet at home, clean and orderly home, a new car to haul the family around, professional success so you can provide for your family, a close and intimate relationship w/ a spouse, obedient and respectful children, close & loyal friends.

Response to Unmet Desires/Expectations
· Do we respond to unmet desires or expectations Satan like? (Note: When you see the unmet desire, even the good desire) as the key to your happiness or contentment, the desire has become an idol.) .
o Probing Questions to test if your good desires have taken on the role of idols:
§ What do I think about the most?
§ What do I fear the most?
§ What do I wish would come about the most?
§ “If only _______, then I would be happier?
o Examples of a good desire becoming a false God or idol:
§ Mother who seek obedient and respectful so her life is easy.
§ Husband who wants a higher paying job so he can indulge more of his worldly fancies or because he aspires to the honors of men.
· Do we respond to unmet desires or expectations Christ like?
o Learn from it – James 1:2-4.
o Cultivate charity and a deeper commitment to obedience from it – 1 John 4:19-21
o Chance to live the Law of the Gospel (celestial law) vs. the Law of Moses from it – Luke 6z:27-28
o Become sanctified from it – Romans 8:28

Role of Judging in Conflict/Contention
· Proper use of judging (to minister to others) – Gal 6:1-3.
· Improper use of judging – Matt 7:1-5.
o Careful not to play God – criticize, nit-pick, nag, attack, condemn.
o It is ok to have high expectations of others, but if someone you have high expectations for fails to meet those expectation and you find yourself feeling superior, indigent, condemning, bitter, or resentful; then your judging is not to minister.

Role of Punishment in Conflict
· Idols demand sacrifices. When we punish others for unmet expectation, we are in many ways sacrificing our relationship with that person on the altar of our idol.
· “Sending subtle, unpleasant cues over a long period of time is an age-old method of inflicting punishment. For example, a friend of mine mentioned to me that his wife was not pleased with the fact that he was giving so much time to a particular ministry. He closed by saying, “And as we all know, when momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” He laughed as he said it, but his comment made me think of the Proverb, “A quarrelsome wife is like constant dripping on a rainy day” (Proverbs 27:15). A woman has a unique ability to set the tone in a home. If she is not careful, she can pervert that gift and use it to create an unpleasant or uncomfortable atmosphere that tells her family. “Either get in line with what I want, or you will suffer.” Such behavior is an act of unbelief: instead of relying on God’s means of grace to sanctify her family, she depends on her own tools of punishment to manipulate them into change. Of course, a man can do the same thing; by being perpetually critical and unhappy, he too can make everyone in the family miserable until they give in to his idols. The usual result of such behavior is a superficial, splintered family.” Ken Sande “Peace Maker.”

Suggested Actions - to rid ourselves of the desire/expectations that have become idols
· Removing
o Asking yourself the probing questions.
o Record in your journal what influence your unmet desires are having upon you.
o Pray that the negative influence of your unmet desires will be removed.
o Get priesthood and professional help, if needed.
· Replacement
o See 1 Thess 5:15-23 for a list