CONFLICT & PEACE

Adult Session of Conference
11 Sept 2010
President Bradley Hansen

Introductory Story – Danna saying that she hope, knew that as a babysitter, he was “in charge of peace.” We all should be in charge of making peace wherever we are.

Source of Conflict/Contention
· Unmet desires or expectation: James 4: 1-3.
o Some desires are inherently wrong: lust, greed, revenge.
o Good desires: peace and quiet at home, clean and orderly home, a new car to haul the family around, professional success so you can provide for your family, a close and intimate relationship w/ a spouse, obedient and respectful children, close & loyal friends.

Response to Unmet Desires/Expectations
· Do we respond to unmet desires or expectations Satan like? (Note: When you see the unmet desire, even the good desire) as the key to your happiness or contentment, the desire has become an idol.) .
o Probing Questions to test if your good desires have taken on the role of idols:
§ What do I think about the most?
§ What do I fear the most?
§ What do I wish would come about the most?
§ “If only _______, then I would be happier?
o Examples of a good desire becoming a false God or idol:
§ Mother who seek obedient and respectful so her life is easy.
§ Husband who wants a higher paying job so he can indulge more of his worldly fancies or because he aspires to the honors of men.
· Do we respond to unmet desires or expectations Christ like?
o Learn from it – James 1:2-4.
o Cultivate charity and a deeper commitment to obedience from it – 1 John 4:19-21
o Chance to live the Law of the Gospel (celestial law) vs. the Law of Moses from it – Luke 6z:27-28
o Become sanctified from it – Romans 8:28

Role of Judging in Conflict/Contention
· Proper use of judging (to minister to others) – Gal 6:1-3.
· Improper use of judging – Matt 7:1-5.
o Careful not to play God – criticize, nit-pick, nag, attack, condemn.
o It is ok to have high expectations of others, but if someone you have high expectations for fails to meet those expectation and you find yourself feeling superior, indigent, condemning, bitter, or resentful; then your judging is not to minister.

Role of Punishment in Conflict
· Idols demand sacrifices. When we punish others for unmet expectation, we are in many ways sacrificing our relationship with that person on the altar of our idol.
· “Sending subtle, unpleasant cues over a long period of time is an age-old method of inflicting punishment. For example, a friend of mine mentioned to me that his wife was not pleased with the fact that he was giving so much time to a particular ministry. He closed by saying, “And as we all know, when momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” He laughed as he said it, but his comment made me think of the Proverb, “A quarrelsome wife is like constant dripping on a rainy day” (Proverbs 27:15). A woman has a unique ability to set the tone in a home. If she is not careful, she can pervert that gift and use it to create an unpleasant or uncomfortable atmosphere that tells her family. “Either get in line with what I want, or you will suffer.” Such behavior is an act of unbelief: instead of relying on God’s means of grace to sanctify her family, she depends on her own tools of punishment to manipulate them into change. Of course, a man can do the same thing; by being perpetually critical and unhappy, he too can make everyone in the family miserable until they give in to his idols. The usual result of such behavior is a superficial, splintered family.” Ken Sande “Peace Maker.”

Suggested Actions - to rid ourselves of the desire/expectations that have become idols
· Removing
o Asking yourself the probing questions.
o Record in your journal what influence your unmet desires are having upon you.
o Pray that the negative influence of your unmet desires will be removed.
o Get priesthood and professional help, if needed.
· Replacement
o See 1 Thess 5:15-23 for a list

ADVERSITY

I was re-reading President Eyrings talk...I remember weeping as he was speaking...it touched me...it hit me...this is me...this is us!

We have had some challenges lately...many challenges.

It seems we have been hit at every side.

Some of our children are facing adversity.

At times it is easy to wonder "why me" , "why us". I try not to go there.

I usually try to ask myself "why not me"

I remind myself of all of the blessings we have

and we have had so many blessings...

grandchildren, 2 missionarries,an engagement.

We have truly been blessed!

I know many of you are facing challenges today. I pray for you often. I think of you and am strenthened by you and your incredible fortitude. I watch you...I am in awe.

And I know I too can do it...

I have posted part of his talk

I hope it'll help you too...

With all the differences in our lives, we have at least one challenge in common. We all must deal with adversity. There may be periods, sometimes long ones, when our lives seem to flow with little difficulty. But it is in the nature of our being human that comfort gives way to distress, periods of good health come to an end, and misfortunes arrive. Particularly when the comfortable times have gone on for a while, the arrival of suffering or the loss of material security can bring fear and sometimes even anger.
The anger comes at least in part from a feeling that what is happening is unfair. The good health and the serene sense of being secure can become to seem deserved and natural. When they vanish, a feeling of injustice can come. Even a brave man I knew wept and cried out in his physical suffering to those who ministered to him: “I have always tried to be good. How could this happen?”
That aching for an answer to “How could this happen?” becomes even more painful when those struggling include those we love. And it is especially hard for us to accept when those afflicted seem to us to be blameless. Then the distress can shake faith in the reality of a loving and all-powerful God. Some of us have seen such doubt come to infect a whole generation of people in times of war or famine. Such doubt can grow and spread until some may turn away from God, whom they charge with being indifferent or cruel. And if unchecked, those feelings can lead to loss of faith that there is a God at all.
My purpose today is to assure you that our Heavenly Father and the Savior live and that They love all humanity. The very opportunity for us to face adversity and affliction is part of the evidence of Their infinite love. God gave us the gift of living in mortality so that we could be prepared to receive the greatest of all the gifts of God, which is eternal life. Then our spirits will be changed. We will become able to want what God wants, to think as He thinks, and thus be prepared for the trust of an endless posterity to teach and to lead through tests to be raised up to qualify to live forever in eternal life.